I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
