i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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