It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
