don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
