soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
