Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
