Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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