things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
