I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
