oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
