Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
