This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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