Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
