Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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