y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
