You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
