He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
