i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
