He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
