i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
