we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
