her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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