Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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