Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
