Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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