my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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