God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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