So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
