Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
