i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
