how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
