if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
