Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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