peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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