I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
