What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
