the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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