I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Don't make out with my wife yet
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
