How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
