4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
