dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
