I accidentally burped into my bong.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
