so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
