I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
