Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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