I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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