do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
