She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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