I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
