I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
