My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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