with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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