So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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