I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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