I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
