Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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