Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
