i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
