If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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