She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
