How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
