I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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