And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
